[TLDR: This post is an unnecessarily deep and philosophical 23 year old’s venting over life discoveries made, and is of little interest to someone here based strictly on motorcycle interest or for photos]
I have traveled further into myself than I have into the horizon in this journey. It’s hard to say why or how. I revisited some of the places I frequented when I was last here four years ago during such a critical period of my life. I came across the skate shop owner who helped me out when I was last here trying to find myself. All the retracing of my own footsteps made me realize something I could have no other way. It made me realize how little I knew then about the meaning of life, happiness, love and such other grandiose subjects when I was 18. It made me realize that the sophomoric mistakes of my youth were just that, and not ones I needed to carry with me for the rest of my life. I cannot describe how the discovery happened, but this place I had so built up in my dreams all these years, the alternative realities to what my life could have been, this ground my mind had come to call holy, I suddenly realized.. There was nothing special about it. I was where I needed to be when I needed to be there. I made the mistakes I made when I needed to make them. Beyond this trip to memory lane, however lovely as it may be, this is all the business I have left with this past. Los Angeles isn’t a fantastical place, or “where I was meant to be.” It’s just a regular-ass run down city built up and overly romanticized by my younger self.
I feel this same discovery may apply to other things… The girl… I’ve come to build up in my mind and let myself be convinced I loved over the years. Things lost that have haunted me until even yesterday.. Even in my most private moments traveling across the sands alone.. I continued to be haunted by memories of things I no longer have. By bridges I have long burned. Ideas… Entire realities from my youth that I was much more convinced were true than these things I’ve lost have revealed themselves false to me over the years. It seems folly to think I was any more correct over where I was meant to be for the rest of my life or who I was meant to be there with.
I feel perhaps Los Angeles has come to serve me purpose in finding myself once more. That I may leave all this baggage behind me at last.